Not awesome. At ALL.

I have a friendly next-door neighbor. I wouldn't say we're friends or anything, but definitely friendly. She's a real go-getter. She's been actively trying to get to know people all over our neighborhood, unlike me. I made two efforts (one neighbor on either side), and was pretty much tapped out.

So I was pleased when she caught me after school one day to tell me she had gotten to know a few more moms on the street and had invited them over to her house the next day for coffee and a chance to get to know each other. She'd love it if the Js and I could come. I said "sure," and went along my merry way.

The next day was Friday. I was about a week and a half behind on laundry, and exhausted. So I skipped the morning shower for an extra 20 minutes of sleep, threw on some rags and a head-scarf, got busy, and promptly forgot all about The Gathering.

Then a little after ten the doorbell rang. In that condition I normally wouldn't have answered it, but I saw it was Lisa and figured I was okay with her seeing my Dark Side. But she was there to remind me about The Gathering, and to encourage me to come, warts and all, because after all we're all mothers, and who cares, right?

I told her we'd get dressed and come. And we did. And there were two other kids there the same ages as my boys, a lovely brunch spread, and four women around Lisa's table all discussing... FORMING THE NEW SCHOOL'S PTA.

Fricking frickity frick! I was hijacked! This wasn't a friendly get-to-know-you at all. These women were discussing upcoming meetings and agendas and who's going to be in charge of what. That was the actual purpose of The Gathering. I was thrown completely hind over head. Because I went in prepared to be Nice and Understanding and Nonjudgmental in an effort to make more friends, but now I was having to switch over to Defense Mode. Because I am really, REALLY anti-PTA. The only one in the room who thought I could be a better force in my child's life by being directly involved with HIM instead of trying to influence his surroundings through the USELESS maneuvering of the PTA. Yes, yes, a cover for the playground is very nice, a lovely amenity I'm sure, but it will not make my son a better person. Nor your daughter. What will make him a better person is my teaching him how to overcome the adversities of life, among which a state-of-the-art uncovered playground is a minor player.

I know that not enough parents are doing their part, but PTA isn't going to help those children at all. In fact, when I told Lisa she'd have to explain to me EXACTLY what the PTA does that makes it worth existing, I got this resounding answer from all ladies present: When you're involved in the PTA, teachers and administrators know who you are, and know you your child is, and will pay more attention to them than the other kids.

The "other kids" are precisely the ones who need more attention from the teachers! And you're stealing even that from them, you selfish harpies! And screwing MY kid over in the process, thanksverymuch. Example: One of the moms there has a son in first grade. Earlier this year he had a problem with being bullied. Which is awful, I quite agree. Solution: Mom talks to principal, principal talks to ALL SIX teachers involved, and now bully and victim will never again be near each other in any class at school. That's extra work for all those teachers, which results in their being able to spend less time and attention on teaching and hapless "other kids."

Here's what the mom then said: "I'm sorry for that kid. I have a strong feeling, from the way he was bullying my son, that he's being bullied by someone in his life. I'd love for him to get help, but I'm MUCH more concerned about MY kid." And so now half the school has to nanny her kid, and has probably labeled The Bully without trying to find him any help at all. I'm thrilled that I spent seven dollars to support that.

So, obviously I have no love for the PTA, and when you combine that feeling with having been shanghaied into a meeting with the most vehement among them, you can imagine what a state I was in by the time Matt got home. I should tell you I was stuck there for TWO HOURS. Trying to smile and be nice without lying. Hard. Especially for a big weenie like me.

AND I didn't get to finish my laundry!!

I'm not even going to pay the seven dollars extortion money just to ensure anyone's class getting ice cream next year. Ha!