For Those Who Have Seen "Napoleon Dynamite"

...Ben has not. And this, I swear, is the phone call I got today:

Me: Hello?

Township Elementary Secretary: Hi. This is Township.

Me: ...Yes?

T.E.S.: Benjamin's in the office. He says his lips hurt very badly and he needs to come home so he can put on some Chapstick.

Me: [Stunned silence, while I try my very hardest not to do a Kip impersonation.]