Ebenezette Scrooge

And so Scrooge awoke later that evening, troubled by her naptime visitations from the Three Ghosts of Easter (Guilt, Resignation, and Reconciliation). And, feeling at last the excitement of the holiday, she ran to the window and, seeing a young child mucking about in her street, called to him.

"You there! Mucking about in my street! Hang on a sec!"

"Yes ma'am?"

"I finally caught the Easter Spirit! Take this money and go to Walmart and buy Easter baskets for my sons! The biggest they have!"

"You mean the Giant Basket O' Bratz dolls? 'Cuz that's the only Easter basket left in the whole store."

"Blech! How 'bout some of those plastic eggs, then? I'll make my own baskets for the kids!"

"Dude, it's Saturday night. Walmart's already turned the Easter Aisles into the Summer Picnic Aisles. They've got the Bratz basket in clearance, and that it."

"But I'm feeling the spirit! There's gotta be plastic eggs somewhere! Search till you find some! And get some candy, too! And baskets, if you can find any!"

And so the urchin traipsed off, remembering that the aisles at Kroger were pretty well-stocked last he looked. Upon entering, however, what he found was an aisle strewn with the empty cardboard remains of candy boxes, maybe a dozen baskets (most of which were pink and fur-trimmed), and several desperate-looking parents all jockeying for position, trying to find any remaining jelly beans in the fray.

He also found some plastic eggs and candy. And three passably-butch baskets. And so he returned to Scrooge's house, greeting her with all the holiday spirit he could muster:

"Lady, next year have your epiphany several weeks earlier!"